i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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