ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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