Do you still have your period?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You smell like stripper and shame
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
