We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
