why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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