I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
