Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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