I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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