spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
