the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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