listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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