I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
