He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
