my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
should my penis look like a turkey
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
