for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
