Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We just shotgunned beers for America
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
