finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
