I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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