brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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