remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
