Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
