it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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