My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
