I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
