....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
This toilet bowl is my home.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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