How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
