My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it because I queefed?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
