mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
