I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
