Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
