Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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