I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
