my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
