worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
