I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
