and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
