please come you make the beer taste better
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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