Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
