I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
