so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
BRING THE BAGELS
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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