and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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