oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize