i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
