Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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