Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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