I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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