You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
