In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
