its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have demons in me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
