Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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