Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
