If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The best revenge is premature balding
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
