Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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