Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
