In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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