can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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