Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
