i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think people are normalizing furries
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
