I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
