Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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