Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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