he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
