Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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