Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
