He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
