put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
