Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
