My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
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just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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