Tell her she can't have a vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
