He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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