yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i think my cat just said my name.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
