I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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