I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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