and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
