i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize