This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
