Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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