Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My vagina is very pro this idea
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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