FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
