Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
