I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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