He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
