yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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