Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
