Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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