Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
