And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
