He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's on the porch naked. Help.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
